A Personal Update

A quick update:
It's been a very long time since I posted anything. I didn't feel like it, and if anything, I have learned to listen to my own needs. Although I haven't written here, I have not stopped writing. I have three pen names and I've written several novels under those pens as well as non-fiction blog posts of the non-kink variety. I moved, sold or gave away everything I owned, and I now travel full time.

What spurred this post was that I let my ex-sub (AKA: hole) hurt me, again. The fact is, people don't change unless they want to.

I think it's apropos to mention how hole got his name here. he likes his hole to be stuffed by enormous dildos, daily. But now, I think it's "funny" to realize his name has another meaning, which is emptiness. A hole that can never be filled with love or Domination or support or sex. A gnawing hole that leads to constant seeking without true fulfillment.

After hole broke my heart in June of 2021, I wouldn't let anyone touch me sexually for a year and a half.

After our breakup, I asked for a year of no contact. I've done this with all my long-term partners. A year later I reach out to my ex/es and offer friendship. I am friends with most of them and one, in particular, twenty years later, is still my best friend.

In July of 2021, I reached out to hole. I went out of my way to drive over an hour to see him; my effort was not reciprocated. I called and texted periodically over the remainder of 2021. At Thanksgiving, I texted and received no response. At Christmas I texted again. After two quick return texts, I was ghosted for the last time. There is zero excuse for a submissive (especially one who had an LTR) to ghost their ex-Dominant/Mistress. It screams: "I am disrespecting you on purpose, you mean nothing to me, you never meant anything to me."

In the end, I'm glad hole ghosted me. he showed me what kind of person he truly is and how little he cared about me. It hurts because I gave so much during our relationship, but it was never enough.

Moving on
Two months ago I was finally able to be intimate with someone else. It was wonderful and exactly what I needed. Although this person identifies as a switch, I topped him. I also realized he was the first person in eight long years that I have been over-the-top attracted to, and that in itself was delicious.

Since I travel full-time it was a short-lived affair but we remain friends and talk regularly.

If it wasn't for Omicron I'd be attending parties and munches on the road but Covid has put a huge damper on all things kink, especially exploring with new potential partners.

When I head back to my old haunts later this year I will be seeing my play partner subs, all of whom I keep in touch with.

I talk to my Domme and kinky friends as often as possible but most of the people I meet on the road are painfully vanilla. I am not able to share my proclivities or true self. I'm sure this is something many kinksters can relate to, yes?