A Lifestyle Domme vs A Pro Domme
What exactly is a Lifestyle Domme?
There are people who identify as Lifestyle Dommes and others who are Pro Dommes. I'm not touching on FinDom here, but I have written a blog post about that, it's different as well.
A Lifestyle Domme is a person who lives it, without charging money for it. There are some cases where a person’s spouse or submissive partner is supporting them but that’s no different from a vanilla arrangement of the same sort.
First let’s unwrap the word “lifestyle”. Lifestyle is used for swingers as well as people in the kink community. It’s a code word that can be used in vanilla settings. As far as I know, it started with swingers. There are “meetup” websites, such as “lifestyle lounge” devoted to swingers meeting other swingers. The kink community also uses this word. Sometimes people will say “are you in the lifestyle?” or “are you a lifestyler?” It’s easy to use this word in vanilla settings without vanilla people gawking and balking.
The 12 step communities have their own code words too. If they meet someone and don’t want to blow that person’s anonymity, they can say something recognizable.
A Dominatrix who practices Topping in their real life, without it being a business, calls themselves a Lifestyle Domme or a Lifestyle Dominatrix. This is to identify them to others as someone who lives it, usually 24/7 but doesn’t have a business revolving around it.
Of course there are some crossovers which I’ll touch on in a moment.
First, the Pro Domme or ProDomme or Pro Dominatrix. These are people who Top for a living. It’s their job, their business. They charge submissives/bottoms money, usually a per hour rate but sometimes a per session rate. The bottom can usually ask for their top three desires or interests. For example they may say they want pegging, impact play and humiliation. Then the Pro Domme will incorporate the bottom’s desires into a scene that the bottom will pay for. These relationships are transactional but if someone goes to the same Domme for years, they can become intimate. The key is that the submissive is paying per session or by the hour.
This is a great beginning for many submissives. Maybe someone isn’t sure they want to be Topped, they’re not clear on how submissive they truly are. Maybe someone wants a certain kind of play that their current partner isn’t willing to participate in. Maybe someone is married or in a vanilla LTR and they need to be dominated. In the case of the last two, I hope that their partners are okay with them seeking arrangement outside their primary relationship but I’m also very aware that this isn’t always the case. No judgment.
It used to be much rarer that a ProD was also a LifestyleD but this is no longer the case, as much. I’ve met, or know of, several Pro’s who are also Lifestyle. But 20+ years ago this was rarer. I knew several Pro’s who were actually submissives in their real lives and this can still be the case today.
This brings me to another point of which I will write a future blog post about - but the crux is that often times it behooves a Top to bottom as well. Not every Top will agree with me on this and that’s fine, we all get to have our own opinions. But in my experience, since I have personally bottomed, it helps me understand what my bottom is going through. Now, I don’t currently identify as a switch but bottoming (in my past) has taught me a great deal about Topping.
I identify solely as a Lifestyle Domme. I’ve never been a Pro and I don’t intend to ever be one. That is not because I think there’s anything wrong with being a Pro Domme. I think it’s a valuable and wonderful service. But for me, if I do something for money, it’s no longer fun. That’s just me. Sometimes I fantasize about it though. I’d love to have another source of income or quit my day job but I know myself too well. If I did it for money, with people I didn’t have an emotional connection to, I’d hate it. And I love Topping far too much to ever want to risk that!
So there you have it. A quick and dirty post ;) Hope this clears that up :)
~ Rain
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
As you can see - FemDom is merely a label like so many others. I will be sharing my own journey as a Mistress (both through my blog and as short stories available on Amazon), encouraging women to tap into the Dominant part of themselves.
by Rain Star
There are people who identify as Lifestyle Dommes and others who are Pro Dommes. I'm not touching on FinDom here, but I have written a blog post about that, it's different as well.
A Lifestyle Domme is a person who lives it, without charging money for it. There are some cases where a person’s spouse or submissive partner is supporting them but that’s no different from a vanilla arrangement of the same sort.
First let’s unwrap the word “lifestyle”. Lifestyle is used for swingers as well as people in the kink community. It’s a code word that can be used in vanilla settings. As far as I know, it started with swingers. There are “meetup” websites, such as “lifestyle lounge” devoted to swingers meeting other swingers. The kink community also uses this word. Sometimes people will say “are you in the lifestyle?” or “are you a lifestyler?” It’s easy to use this word in vanilla settings without vanilla people gawking and balking.
The 12 step communities have their own code words too. If they meet someone and don’t want to blow that person’s anonymity, they can say something recognizable.
A Dominatrix who practices Topping in their real life, without it being a business, calls themselves a Lifestyle Domme or a Lifestyle Dominatrix. This is to identify them to others as someone who lives it, usually 24/7 but doesn’t have a business revolving around it.
Of course there are some crossovers which I’ll touch on in a moment.
First, the Pro Domme or ProDomme or Pro Dominatrix. These are people who Top for a living. It’s their job, their business. They charge submissives/bottoms money, usually a per hour rate but sometimes a per session rate. The bottom can usually ask for their top three desires or interests. For example they may say they want pegging, impact play and humiliation. Then the Pro Domme will incorporate the bottom’s desires into a scene that the bottom will pay for. These relationships are transactional but if someone goes to the same Domme for years, they can become intimate. The key is that the submissive is paying per session or by the hour.
This is a great beginning for many submissives. Maybe someone isn’t sure they want to be Topped, they’re not clear on how submissive they truly are. Maybe someone wants a certain kind of play that their current partner isn’t willing to participate in. Maybe someone is married or in a vanilla LTR and they need to be dominated. In the case of the last two, I hope that their partners are okay with them seeking arrangement outside their primary relationship but I’m also very aware that this isn’t always the case. No judgment.
It used to be much rarer that a ProD was also a LifestyleD but this is no longer the case, as much. I’ve met, or know of, several Pro’s who are also Lifestyle. But 20+ years ago this was rarer. I knew several Pro’s who were actually submissives in their real lives and this can still be the case today.
This brings me to another point of which I will write a future blog post about - but the crux is that often times it behooves a Top to bottom as well. Not every Top will agree with me on this and that’s fine, we all get to have our own opinions. But in my experience, since I have personally bottomed, it helps me understand what my bottom is going through. Now, I don’t currently identify as a switch but bottoming (in my past) has taught me a great deal about Topping.
I identify solely as a Lifestyle Domme. I’ve never been a Pro and I don’t intend to ever be one. That is not because I think there’s anything wrong with being a Pro Domme. I think it’s a valuable and wonderful service. But for me, if I do something for money, it’s no longer fun. That’s just me. Sometimes I fantasize about it though. I’d love to have another source of income or quit my day job but I know myself too well. If I did it for money, with people I didn’t have an emotional connection to, I’d hate it. And I love Topping far too much to ever want to risk that!
So there you have it. A quick and dirty post ;) Hope this clears that up :)
~ Rain
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
As you can see - FemDom is merely a label like so many others. I will be sharing my own journey as a Mistress (both through my blog and as short stories available on Amazon), encouraging women to tap into the Dominant part of themselves.
by Rain Star
