What does it mean to be truly submissive? Are there variants? Yes and no. There are many people who identify as switches and can be a Top or bottom but a true submissive is a very different creature. While a true submissive can “play” Top if need be, it makes them uncomfortable and it simply doesn’t feel right. It’s total play acting and some cannot even get sexually excited over it.
While there are a plethora of different types of submissives, the psychology that lays behind what makes each person submissive is relatively similar. The different types are dependent on what gets them off.
Several types of submissives (this is not a full list):
What every “true” submissive has in common is their need to be Dominated. There are various degrees of course, such as 24/7 or only in the bedroom but every single submissive I know is wired similarly. They want to be told what to do, they need to be told what to do, they crave it. It’s a turn on for them and so is making their Mistress or Master happy. This is their true nature. They are here to serve and if they aren’t serving someone, in some way, they are unfulfilled.
~ Rain Star
Since embarking on my full fledged femdom journey I’ve interviewed a myriad of potential submissives. I’m not interested in needy, annoying, disrespectful, nasty, sarcastic, abusive, bratty, manipulative, narcissistic, anyone who is broke and looking for a free ride, a substance abuser, a woman hater/mysoginist, someone who thinks they’re better than me, anyone who is controlling or passive aggressive. I shouldn’t have to cough up that list but unfortunately I do because I’ve encountered some of these.
At first I tried to be kind and say I wasn’t interested. Some respected my words, as not only a good submissive should but EVERYONE should! But others just got needier and more annoying. One continues to contact me, creating different FL profiles and continuing to send me emails which I ignore and block.
Another was so disrespectful when I met him in person that I told him I wasn’t interested but he couldn’t take no for an answer. That is abusive behavior! Again, I tried to be nice but firm. He took this to mean I wanted to keep talking to him. I didn’t. I finally gave him a rule and told him if he broke it, he would be blocked forever. He broke it quickly. I blocked him. He tried to reach me through every channel possible. I blocked him on every channel without responding. This is not endearing in any way. This is STALKING!
D/s aside - if someone says they’re not interested and don’t want to speak to you again - leave them the fuck alone!
Does this mean I’m no longer nice to potential submissives? It does not. I lay out my boundaries and if they break any of them, I’m done. I don’t have the time or the patience. I have numerous people contacting me daily and I have several submissive play partners that are amazing and keep me quite happy.
My first taste of the lifestyle was with a submissive almost 15 years ago. I wasn't ready to submerge myself at that time but I loved the exploration. We were on and off for many years. I experienced a new sense of freedom and excitement that exceeded my wildest dreams.
In the end I fell in love with him and he fell in love with someone else. It wasn't meant to be and I took my ravaged heart and moved on. What I didn't realize at that time is that I was play acting. I wasn't a true Domme, I was trying it on, like an ill-fitting outfit.
Years and two long term relationships chugged by but I never forgot my first sissy sub. There were a lot of things I adored about him. His kinks were hot, he was fun to hang out with, his intellect was just as sexy as the rest of him and he was and still is, the best cook I’ve ever known. After a brutal breakup in 2018, I contacted him again and he responded, available/ish and interested in another go around.
We had a six week contract and I jumped in this time with both feet. I read books, I got a mentor, I talked to quite a few other Domme’s and I followed my intuition.
What I discovered is that I’m good at it and I love it. I found out that I am a sadist, in the healthiest sense of the word. I am interested in all the ways I can make someone squirm and it turns me on immensely to do so.
My sissy sub and I embarked on a fun filled six weeks (fun for me = torture for him) but he wasn’t at the right place for anything more and it wasn’t the right time for either one of us. Instead we remain friends, for now.
Author: Rain Star
Mistress Rain began her writing career at a very early age. She's published almost a dozen novels (under a different pseudonym), has written for television and film and spends much of her time with her nose buried in the furry coat of her constant canine companion. The rest of her time is spent telling her stable of subs what they can do for her.