Only Friends?

I was reading an article in the Atlantic last night about whether or not males and females could be platonic friends. This topic has incensed me for as long as I can remember and not only because it doesn't take non-binary gender identification into account but that is one aspect.

I've always had male friends. My best friend in 1st grade was a boy. My best friend now is a man. And no, I never fucked (or even kissed) my 1st grade BFF though I have fucked my current BFF but it was 15 years ago and we've been friends since without fucking!

When I was a teen my father told me that any guy who wanted to be my friend only wanted to fuck me. He told me that men are only interested in one thing and that any man who says he wants to be platonic friends with me is lying. Thankfully, even at that age, I knew my dad was an asshole and I didn't listen to him! But it stuck with me because I believe a lot of people think this way and I have a huge issue with it.

1. Who cares if the guy (or other) is in it for sex? That doesn't mean anyone (male or female or other) has to put out.
2. There are so many levels of attraction and intimacy - sex is but one.

My last "boyfriend", a disaster LTR  from the get-go, was supremely jealous of my male BFF and all my other male friends. He was insecure and distrustful and every time I spent time with my BFF my ex would text incessantly and then pick huge fights with me. In the end I realized that men like him (and my father) are the exact men my father warned me about. It's not that all men want to fuck all women, it's that my dad and my ex-bf wanted to fuck all the women they were "friends" with. It was THEIR issue.

Obviously if someone I'm with is jealous of my male (or agender) friends, that's a huge red flag and not something I will ever put up with again. But can male and females be platonic friends without fucking? OF COURSE WE CAN!!!!! What a ridiculous question!!!!!

The Atlantic article uses movies as one example of how "difficult" it is, siting all the friends to lovers movies. That's because FTL is a TROPE!!!! It doesn't mean it's real life!!! Does it happen in RL, of course it does but both parties have to be invested in that outcome, attracted to each other and have a slew of other predilections.

All of that said (or preached) -- I freely admit that my BFF and I can be so close because we already fucked and got it out of the way. We knew we weren't good together - this has nothing to do with the actual sex and all to do with us as people. We tried, we failed. We are such fantastic friends that I'd never want to do anything to compromise that again and in my experience, sex compromises things. Plus he's not submissive - LOL. But he listens without judgment when I talk about anything and everything. He's the one I call at midnight when my dog is sick. He's the one I turn to when I'm sad and need a shoulder to sniffle on. He's everything a BFF should be and our relationship is 100% platonic.

He's not the only platonic male friend I have either. I have many (that I've never fucked) and they're all amazing, just as my platonic female friends are. Which brings me to another point. I'm pansexual but I don't fuck my platonic female, trans or non-binary friends either!

Thinking that m/f/o can't be "friends only" is disrespectful. The idea that we can't have friends we don't fuck is saying that no one has boundaries, no one can say no to sex, no one has morals, no one can control themselves. So go make friends with other genders and if anyone in your life has a problem with that, know it's their problem, not yours.

​~ Rain

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