What Are your Values?

Photo by e on Unsplash

My father is the kind of man who likes to tell other people what to do, especially me. It’s part of the reason I cut him out of my life 4 years ago. I don’t like to be told what to do. It’s not that I don’t ask for advice at times or for someone else’s opinion, I do. But that’s MY choice. I don’t know a lot of strong (Dominant) people who appreciate unsolicited advice.

One of the many nuggets my father thought he was “dropping” years ago was telling me that I should only be in a relationship with someone who came from the same background I did. His reasoning was that relationships are hard enough as is, so why complicate them further by picking someone who didn’t share my background.

At the time, I instinctively knew this was bullshit. My father didn’t want me to be in a relationship with anyone of color, anyone who cared about other people (had empathy), anyone who made less than six figures a year, anyone who wasn’t a doctor or a lawyer, or anyone who wasn’t American. At the time, I didn’t understand this was what he was saying. Of course, I never listened to him. I am a Dominant woman and I do what I feel is best for ME. One of my truths that he never accepted or understood.

I’ve had many relationships. Relationships with people who had the “same background” as me and more with people who have not. What I have learned is that it doesn’t matter two shits about someone’s background. The number one thing that matters in a relationship are values. Values are number one. Needs and beliefs also matter. Does the person I’m with have the same values as me? If they don’t, it’s never going to work, no matter how similar their background is to mine. I found this out through trial and error, as we all do.

I’m a liberal, but I’ve been in relationships with conservatives who had the same values as me. My second longest relationship was with a Republican and it was one of the best relationships I’ve ever had. I’m not a Republican. I have to choose Democrat because we don’t have a socialist party, otherwise that would be my choice. But this person, this Republican, still held the same values as me. He believed in gay marriage and a woman’s right to choose. Those are two things I will not compromise on. And he had the other qualities and values that checked my boxes so it worked.

I am opinionated but I also rely on facts. A few things that are supremely important to me are climate change and eating organically. If someone doesn’t believe in these things, there’s a disconnect for me. If someone tries to argue “science” with me and can’t produce facts or refuses to look at the facts I provide, I’m out.

I don’t care if it’s a D/s relationship or a vanilla one. For me, values are number one. The number one point that I will never tolerate is anyone who puts money before humanity. People who see money and their own finances as the end all be all, can fuck off. People who have no empathy are not tolerated. Racism, sexism, homophobia are not acceptable. Climate change deniers, flat earthers, conspiracy theorists, especially Q-A are a flat out, loud, NO!

I’m thankful, every single-day, that I refused to listen to my father when he dolled out dating advice. He’s stuck in the most miserable, sick, relationship with the evilest person I’ve ever met (in person)—not necessarily the evilest person in the world.

I will stick to my values and I will not compromise. I may not be looking for another LTR, but I bring these values into friendships too. Though, I’m not as strict. My BFF doesn’t believe in eating organic but he doesn’t give ME shit for doing so. He does share my other values and beliefs and he respects my opinions.

As for kink. If D/s or BDSM or whatever your flavor is, is important to you… I say, don’t settle. This is a value and a need. For a true submissive in a D/s relationship however—their needs don’t matter. Their “need” needs to be pleasing their Dominant. Hands down. One hundred and fifty percent, one hundred percent of the time. If that’s not you, maybe you’re a switch or a sub in the bedroom only and that’s fine too. Know who you are and know what you want. I do.

~ by Rain Star©

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