What does it mean to be truly submissive? Are there variants? Yes and no. There are many people who identify as switches and can be a Top or bottom but a true submissive is a very different creature. While a true submissive can “play” Top if need be, it makes them uncomfortable and it simply doesn’t feel right. It’s total play acting and some cannot even get sexually excited over it.
While there are a plethora of different types of submissives, the psychology that lays behind what makes each person submissive is relatively similar. The different types are dependent on what gets them off.
Several types of submissives (this is not a full list):
What every “true” submissive has in common is their need to be Dominated. There are various degrees of course, such as 24/7 or only in the bedroom but every single submissive I know is wired similarly. They want to be told what to do, they need to be told what to do, they crave it. It’s a turn on for them and so is making their Mistress or Master happy. This is their true nature. They are here to serve and if they aren’t serving someone, in some way, they are unfulfilled.
~ Rain Star
This is a blog post about what vanilla women think about submissives vs the truth.
I have found that most submissive's are quite chivalrous. One of my favorite Mistresses, Scarlet, has a great blog post called “Ladies - adopt the lifestyle” in which she explains that submissive men are not doormats. I completely agree and below is a real life example from last night.
When I talk to my vanilla female friends about dating submissive men, they all say the same thing. A submissive man could never make them feel safe. A submissive man could never protect them. A submissive man could never be an alpha. They could never be attracted to a submissive man could because they don't possess all of the qualities these women associate an alpha man of their fantasies. A man that doesn’t exist, in my opinion. These women have never dated a submissive. If they had, they would know that there ideals are poppycock. Their perceptions are unrealistic and false.
A submissive man does protect his partner. He protects her, keeps her safe, puts her needs first, and he serves her. A submissive man may very well look like an alpha in public. A doting, thoughtful alpha.
Here’s My real life example from last night…
I attended a circus show with a submissive I am currently dating. For the purposes of this blog, I’ll refer to him as My sissy slut, slut for short.
As a gentleman, slut opens doors for me, including the car door. He holds my bags, he lets me lead, he makes me dinner, he does the dishes, he dries me after my showers, he even wears my favorite colors. He is thoughtful and kind. While all of these qualities are to be expected, not everyone inhabits them, and I appreciate them for what they are, and for the effort he makes on my behalf.
At the circus show last night, the stage was smallish. Slut and I sat front row center. One of the acts was a performer on the Cyr wheel. If you want to see what that is, click here.
The wheel is large, metal, and quite intimidating. Early in the performance he dropped the wheel, picked it up and kept going. No harm, no foul. It happened again. The audience clapped for support. The performer was quite good but the stage was too small. He moved his wheel closer to the back of the stage, but during a fancy move, it caught on the backdrop, almost bringing the entire thing crashing down. He tore off bits of the hanging tinsel and eventually straightened the wheel and returned to his act. His compensation was to move the wheel closer to the edge of the stage, where the audience and I were. During parts of his performance he was riding the center of the wheel, twisting and turning as it spun. And at other parts he let go of the wheel where it traveled in a lazy circle around him until he reached out and caught it again.
After he moved closer to the front of the stage he let go of his wheel for a boomerang circle and it came precariously close to the edge. I exchanged furtive glances with the girl across the aisle, and we both placed our hands upon our hearts in a compensatory gesture. I leaned to the side and whispered in slut’s ear, "you will protect me, won't you?"
He whispered back, "I've got you.”
The moment did happen… The performer let go of the wheel, it spun, almost in slow motion around him and then it catapulted itself off the stage, and straight for our heads. In a split second, slut was on his feet, catching the huge wheel in mid-air and handing it back to the performer as though it was a rehearsed part of the show.
When he returned to his seat I whispered, “you’re My hero.”
At the end of the show the performer came and thanked him, and so did the stage manager. Slut saved, not only me, but the entire front row from what could have been a harrowing and dangerous disaster.
This is just one example of how a submissive male is even more of a fierce protector of his mate’s safety!
And yes, his chivalry was well rewarded.
~ Rain Star
During my past several months of interviewing potential subs I've heard countless stories of men and women who married vanilla hoping they could deny their true desires. Hell, I'm a real life example of this as well. I've been in several long term relationships but only a couple of them were D/s and less than a handful were kinky.
I think the first and most important aspect is to define who you are and what you want. What will you settle for and what won't you?
I have a friend with two lovely children and a husband who adores her but they're vanilla and mono and she wants to be kinky and open. We had a difficult conversation yesterday because she only has a few choices. She can tell her husband she wants to be open but she's tried this before and he was not on board. She can cheat but she says she doesn't want to do that and I personally advised against it. Or she can deny her desires and stay in her relationship. Her situation is made more complicated by a 3rd party who has professed his love for her and who she is extremely attracted to. She can't stop obsessing about this man. I told her that it's not the man, it's something bigger, a need she's not getting met in her life. She asked my advice and I told her to run the other way and cut off all contact with the new object of her obsession. But I doubt she will. I suspect she'll cheat and stay, feel guilty and then it will come out and she'll lose both men - her husband and her amor.
I use this as an example. Settling and compromising is not wrong. And timing is everything. She chose to marry a mono, vanilla man so she either has to let him go and pursue her own dreams and desires or wait until her kids are grown to do that. It's a common choice. The sub I'm currently seeing had to make the same one. He's now divorced with two kids that still live at home. But he's happier and I think kids sense that. If we're happier and more present and getting our needs met, so is our support group and our families.
The one thing that stands out is that it's never too late. It's never too late to become who you truly are, to settle into a new you, to try new things and to live your life to its fullest.
Most of us are not supported emotionally if we choose to come out as kinky and proud. But we can have both. We can have our cock and we can eat it too... or not.
~ Rain Star
I went to my first slave/sub auction over the weekend! I didn't know what to expect but I didn't expect to love it as much as I did!
The slaves were displayed in the main room, each dressed up, or mostly naked and each holding a card with their likes, their pronouns and whether they were available for that night only or future play. They were all submissive, regardless of gender and non-binary status, though some identified as switches.
Female identified Domme's only paraded through the room, reading each sub's card and talking to them for a few minutes. There were over 40 subs and I got through 4 of them in the time allotted. I love to talk!
Everyone I spoke to was interesting, sexy and quite desireable. And while I've engaged in public play, it's not my favorite. I was clear that I wasn't looking for public play that evening but I still bought one slave and we exchanged information.
My "reason" for being there though was a second date with a potential LTR submissive. We met there but he wasn't allowed into the viewing room or the auction. He was observing as opposed to participating.
The auction ("fake" money only): not all the slaves were bought and the ones that weren't were given vouchers to engage in play with a house top later in the evening. Two slaves elicited a bidding war. One was offering a full body massage for that evening only and the other was gorgeous, but so were a lot of the slaves so I'm not sure exactly why she went for $10K but she did. Several Domme's bought several slaves. And there were so many to choose from. All sizes, shapes, ages, colors and levels of feminization or none at all.
I enjoyed standing around and watching the chattel much more than I thought I would.
We stayed after the auction for only a short time. I perused the dungeon but having seen it all before I've found I'm much less of a voyeur than I used to be. Eventually we headed for a coffee shop up the street to talk and eat.
All in all, it was a lovely evening, especially the conversations and eye candy. It is said that the brain is the largest erogenous zone!!
Author: Rain Star
Mistress Rain began her writing career at a very early age. She's published almost a dozen novels (under a different pseudonym), has written for television and film and spends much of her time with her nose buried in the furry coat of her constant canine companion. The rest of her time is spent telling her stable of subs what they can do for her.