A lot of changes are afoot in my life. Basically everything. 180 degrees, turned on my head, topsy-turvy. I will not go into it at this time for a bunch of reasons. But I will say that transparency has taught me a lot. I am not the person who holds my cards close to my chest. Especially when I am intimate with someone, I divulge. I don't think this is a terrible thing and I will not change. It’s who I am, and it's shown me who other people truly are and how (or if) they can show up for me. But that is NOT the crux of this post.

A little over a year ago I met a submissive who told me about another Domme he was following on social media. She received a question about why a non-submissive person can't be trained to be submissive. And, the bottom line, she said, was because when it came down to it, the sub would, at some point say "this relationship is not fair". To which she responded, "A D/s relationship is NEVER fair" and to that I agree 150%. 

In my last Ds relationship I made a myriad of mistakes, some of which are apparent now and others which will most likely take a year or more to unpack. We were mainly Ds in the bedroom. It wasn't a conscious choice or discussed. We fell into it and it worked, until it didn't (the relationship, not the Ds part). Moving forward, I'm asking myself questions like: 1. Is that what YOU (me) wanted? 2. Do you want Ds 24/7? 3. What would YOU have done differently (regarding Ds)?

I remember when we began our relationship the fairness part came up. He was submissive but had never been in a Ds relationship before and told me he thought Ds relationships should be fair. I assured him that this was not the case. But in retrospect I realize that perhaps he was looking for Ds in the bedroom only, and I certainly provided that. But is that what I truly wanted or did I just fall into that dynamic unconsciously?

I have no interest in bossing anyone around and controlling them 24/7 and this is where I question balance. I also don’t want to put constant effort into manning (womaning/personing) my submissive. I have several Domme friends who maintain their Ds relationships 24/7, and it’s a LOT of work for the Top.

I want my submissive partner to do things for me; I expect that. I want more structure which, on the next go-round, needs to be laid out prior to involvement. This was a first for both of us and it was a grand start. I can’t speak for him, but I think it taught us both a lot. It taught ME a lot! It taught me what I do and don't want, what I do and don't need and what I will and won't put up with.
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The bottom line is that D/s relationships are NEVER FAIR! The submissive is there to SERVE his/her/their Dominant. That's the way it HAS to be for this type of relationship to work. I see that now. It has to be that way ALL THE TIME. It can't be half-assed and for me, it can't be "just in the bedroom" unless both partners are switches. I AM NOT A SWITCH.

I love the ride that is life. I love myself. I love the world. I do not claim to know everything. I am constantly learning, sharing and evolving.

​~ Rain ©

I just threw this into my newsletter that goes out tomorrow but it's so important to me and relevant that I'm making it a blog post too --- not everything about me has to do with sex.

I don't usually use my author platforms to get on my political soapbox but I can't ignore what's happening in America. If you'd rather not read this just skip it. I'm the kind of person that needs to know the WHY about pretty much everything. Why do people do what they do? I'm learning that in some cases (Jeffrey Epstein) it doesn't matter why. That monster was a deplorable human being and that's enough. But when it comes to social injustice, abusive behavior and our president I search for meaning. After all - I know exactly why I'm a sadist Femdom Dominatrix. So in search for answers, as I'm a truthseeker, I found Sarah Kendzior and her new book - Hiding in Plain Sight - The Invention of Donald Trump and the Erosion of America. This book, I bought all 3 versions: kindle, audible and hardcover so I can support her is the WHY I've been searching for. If you're passionate about this subject matter/topic, please reach out to me. My primary submissive is not interested in politics and I would love to talk to people who are. I threatened him with reading this book vs 24/7 chastity (which he abhors) and I think he'd actually prefer chastity LMAO. (I still love you hole 😈💘)

✊🏾 The other huge topic here is BLM. Black Lives DO MATTER!!!!! ✊🏾

What's happened in America (and other places) to squash the rights of POC and the killing of blacks is one of the biggest injustices of our world.

Four years ago I posted #blacklivesmatter on Facebook and my father canceled me. Goodbye racist prick is my response to that. We haven't spoken (verbally) since. He tried to reconnect with me at the beginning of Covid over email but after 3 back and forths he dissolved into his drunk, abusive, asshole personna again and that was the end of that. My choice. I won't compromise. I don't have to.

- if you don't understand BLM and you want to, watch these:
✊🏾 Michael Che 
✊🏾 White Lady Explains BLM

- the link to Sarah's book above is an affiliate link so I'll get a few cents if you buy her book but that's not why you need to buy (and read or listen to) it! Don't use the affiliate link if you don't want to.
- Sarah also has a FREE podcast = Gaslit Nation (she recommends that people start by listening to the first 3). 

~Mistress Rain Star